My purpose of posting this letter is to share and learn when a person is able to realize his or her problems, begins to talk and share with friends and family members is when a person will be able to be redeemed. There are much we can learn from this letter in the mind of a gambler...{Inner voice screaming for help like no other before}
The letter in full length:
I don't know where to begin but to honestly tell you the dark side of my family little secrets which will over time slowly kill me and my soul.
I have never been like this. It started out as just a fun and game out with friends and now become a chase of life and death. The wound is so deep that the chase has become a grave dug deeper and deeper in both of our psyches that will eventually lead to our demise and not rectified.
I have become a slave to this chase which is an habitual addition triggered by our dark side of wanting to become debt free. I don't know what i should do when every paycheck i get....the other side of me wanting to make enough so that we can make more to repay you and all the silly things else....And every time, it does not happen...down in the gutter and despairs. Leaving myself nothing more than loneliness and fear of loosing every thing I ever had in my lifetime.
It is a cause of my own demise. You have been kinds to me and my family. I have caused you and your family grief and I want to be able to break free and want you to see the good side of me...but it is not happening.
I have lead and been respected by thousands; but now nothing any more. Life is nothing more than seclusion, self-denial and hopelessness. There are many times, i want to seek your guidance and counseling; but pride of a grown woman. I don't want to blame my wife for my own poor judgement; but it is me who will have to come to my own senses and seek out help for this chase addictions.
I have never enjoyed gambling; but is the thought of getting out the hole so that we will not be a burden to you.
As i am battling with this deadly disease; i ask both of your guidance and counseling. You are both more than a brother and sister to me. It is now a realization that i can no longer stay in my shell and hide my problems. I know you have many things that you are dealing with your own family; but i once again ask for your kindness. I know full well that every human has a limited ability to cope with patience..and you have that rights.
Going forwards, as i battle the menace of this cruel addiction; I have thought of a couple of things. To relieve both of you headache; I am asking to stay at your home for next 3 months. Settle all the bills and all loans to you with tax money of $8,000 due to us back by 15 Feb. We will find our own apartment and will move out. We want to very much stay; but it is condition set so that we can change the way we look at life. I don't want to falter and I will change because I don't have a choice. I have every reason to change. There is nothing more important to me any more besides my children.
I have not reached out to anybody for help or consultation. It is like a saying that when an elephant fall; all others kind of gaze..they say nothing more...and I have tried to cover it with a small sheet as well.
I have now come to my own realization that it is not other people that hated me; it is me that made people shy way from helping..because of denial. I want to live in my world of how life used to be..but it is nothing more than emptiness.
And this is the story of my contemporary life in which I hope both of you understand. I have nothing else, but both of you to confide to. I have so much pride that it took me all these months to come out of my shell. I knew and both of you are smart enough to know and I can no longer continue to lie about our dark side.
Again, I have become a prisoner of my own conscience and again beg you to help me go through this pain. I have thought of committing suicide many times...but I know that my children deserve more than that because i have brought them in to this world.
With utmost respect to you my dear friend,
Signed: CC...
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