First of all before cursing me more than you have to, I must initially apologize for all the things that had happened for the last seven months. Angel, this is a letter of an apology and I solemnly ask you to read before prejudging and disposing it. I believe that things you are about to read are neither the things you want to believe nor you want to hear; but please try to understand my side of the story.
Angel, it's been seven months since we parted neither as friends nor lovers, but in ways that no one would ever expected for both of us. Angel, I am haunted by the decision every single day. What I had done should not deserve forgiveness by anybody nor by you. I understand full well that you will never forgive me for what has happened. Yet with god's love and forgiveness, I have faith that at least I ought to try and patch things up because of my foolishness and immature decisions.
Unfortunately, it took seven months for me to realize that I had made the mistake of not fully explained to you what has happened. Yes, it was true that I wanted to break up because I was selfish and cruel in wanting liberation for myself. The rumor of another girl standing in a way of our relationship was partly true in many respects. I would not dear to even deny that Abigail stood in the way which resulted in us splitting up. The strange relationship that I had undergone with Abigail was based on friendship. I know that you will never believe me that it was true. These were the reasons of why me and Abigail were mutually friends. For one, she served as a support person just as someone to talk to as a friend in time of our separation. Rumors or you may have seen us walking and studying together since our separation; but it was mutually friend. The untrue love affair between me and Abigail served as an "unintentional" scapegoat for both of us that are running away from personal and family problems. The question that you may have is why did I do it to you knowing that this action would inflicted emotional pain. Of course, it was just out of stupidity and silliness resulted from emotional distress.
Reasons: Things that unfortunately led to our break up were because:
1. My emotionally disturbing self going through a process of re-entry transitions from being overseas.
2. My ambitions overtook me of what I wanted to do in life. I was so overwhelmed of the many opportunities and things.
3. The stress of being at home from a life that is carefree and fun. While I was overseas, I was usually all alone and not used to too many people telling me what to do. But when I got home, things were different, yet I was not ready to make those transitions from being alone to a house full of many people and comments.
4. Coming home a little bit proud of who I really was as an individual in this full of rumor community.
5. Lastly, the old wounds that triggered up because of things that happened between your younger sisters and the laws.
The combination of these things compounded with time stressing out in school led to my final decision to end our relationship. I was unable to deal with all of those problems so immediate upon my arrival. I have stated earlier that I was used to doing research and helping villagers not having to worry about all these problems overseas and now all the sudden confronted with these unusual problems.
What were my options? There were not too many because of the fact that not many people were able to understand me during this difficult transitional period. My gut decision when faced with these immediate problems was to RUNNING AWAY from all of them and without understanding the full implications of the decision and people that I care so much for. As a result, I have abandoned and have caused a tremendous pain to you and your family.
By the third week while things were heating up, I was mindless and immature in many respects. I did things to provoke pain and anguish to you and some of your friends in the name of male machoism. In retrospect, I regret doing all the absurd things. They were uncalled for and cruel. Yes, Abigail came into this cruel game when everybody was against her and suspecting that she was taking me away from you. By the time we know it, you ended up slapping me in front of everybody because you were angry beyond imagination. Despite the fact, I do feel that I deserved the slap even though you broke my glasses and scratched portions of my face. From that moment on, things fueled into flames because we both had sides of people to be apart of. Yet the pain was still in me knowing that I had hurt you which was very bad, yet I continued to ignore and provoke because I wanted to win the majority of the opinions and of course machismo attitude that I was a full fledged man.
Honey, I would have to tell you that being educated and having too many friends is sometimes good and sometimes bad. Being educated and has lots of friends is good when they makes people realize their mistakes, but they're bad because they make people too proud, forgetting who they really were such as myself. This is one great experience that I have learned during the last seven months. For so many years, you have given me respect and love, yet I turned around and threw them all away. Emotional wounds deepened you and me into despair for all things were the results of irrational decisions. For once in my entire life, I live in despair and emptiness not knowing who to come to in time of needs. From what I know of you in the last seven months is from people that you have spoken to and express your feeling of disbelief, emptiness, betrayal on my part to you and your family. Confusion not understanding why I left are often passed on to my personal friends who are deeply concerned and caring for both of us.
And now, my subconscious is screaming and telling me that what I have done to you is totally wrong and unacceptable. On this note, I solemnly pray that you would forgive me and help to enlighten me from this very day on. I am actually asking you to forgive me, yet I do not imply to you to take me back as anything. I do feel that we have come along way as friends. Things of the past are gone. It is up to your heart to decide your own destiny.
One last note, we see each other on many occasions and I strongly feel that it would be hard for both of us to escape each other from meeting in public places in hesitation. The question is, does it has to be like that? Better or worse, things have to be solved mutually. For my part, I have acknowledged that I have made the mistake and stand ready to resolve our differences and move on. Please make your own decision, try to not consult your friends. Most seems to only make things worse. Fake as it may seem to you, but this is how I feel after sitting and rethinking it over for so many days.
If anything, please reply!
Take care,
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